glow in the dark

well.. yang namanya dark dah pasti gelap tp dalam kegelapan bukan berarti ga akan ada cahaya yg muncul,,segelap apapun kehidupan yg kita jalanin pasti ada unsur cahaya yang bisa diserap dan dipancarkan kembali,,


ok,, may be i took the wrong way n lost in the dark,,while i was in that place i saw a very bright light n i use that light to lead my way,, but suddenly the light were off,,I'm being to afraid n cry,,i haven't notice that when i use that light i become depend on it,,


duh omongan gw belakangan kayanya dah rada berat,,bisa makin kurus kerempeng klo berat mulu bahasanya,,,hihihi =p intinya siy gw cm mau bilang yang namanya hidup da terang da gelap,,klo dalam keadaan terang smua mang bisa terlihat jelas,,mau ngumpet juga susah,,apalagi klo transparan bisa nerawang2 tuh,,hihihi,,tp klo lagi di gelap jgn jadiin orang lain sebagai penerang tp lo yg harus nerangin diri lo sendiri,,,serap smua cahaya yang ada n buat diri lo bercahaya,,


makin tua dah harus mikir panjang,,,ngeliat jauh kedepan,,,jgn kalut dalam emosi sesaat,,,bersikap bijak,,,berfikir jernih..
marah,,kesal,,kecewa itu juga bagian dari hidup..
apa yang lo alami skarang bisa jadi pelajaran tuk menjalani langkah selanjutnya
becarefull with ur next step..jalan ga selalu rata...


sedih di awal april tp bahagia di akhir april
new chapter Begin with a smile (^_^)

fallin in love with a perfect fantasy

I never realize that what i feel right now is a perfect fantasy,,,n I put to much hope on that fantasy,,,that's why it's feel hurts a lot,,,now i know why i write on my book "don't hope to much or it will hurt u"

Even it was a fantasy or not i do feel happy,,glad i can feel it even just for a while,,glad that I've been treated special even it just a word,,never feel the real thing,,i don't want to forget or hate any one,,until now i can't think clear all were mix up on my head,,if i keep thinking of it i will destroy my self n i have to make a decision to hold my step,,stay put at one place collect a courage to end it


I always failed at the first attempt,,it always does,, no mater what is it i always failed,,but god also give me a second chance so i could fix everything up

when i made up my mind suddenly this cheer's come's again,,some happy feeling were back at me n fill my life again,,there is a big disappointment n sadness but at least my cheers are back coz in the last one month that cheers disappeared from my life,, i lough but not happy,, i smile but to covered my sadness,,but from now all off the cheers n smile were truth,,real n not fake (^_^)

Mayday

I can eat even I want to, I can sleep what’s wrong with me, I can think (may be ur in love) may be I’m in love.

Mayday,,mayday I need some help,,it’s fells burning in side out of my head, don’t look at me don’t stare at me, n don’t laught,

Please stop me coz I think I’m in love

~~~

Part of my life,,,every one had right to fell it but why is it feel alittle bit hurt,,a mistake happen but do I deserve to be treated like this?is it wrong being jealous?thank god every one near me or him tell’s me to see the situation clearly not just accept everything,,,physically already tired plus this brain can't stop thinking,,blame my self n like a weak girl always do cry n cry,,,dammm,,hate the situation,,,why he always could reverse the situation n make me always the one that guilty,,,looking for forgiveness that’s what I do but he doesn’t give it to me till now,,,if I see it back word I have a strong reason to do what I do but he just can’t accept it,,he make me look’s like to possessive actually I just need an explanation,,if I consider it reasonable than that’s it,,no problems,,,adios,,,I’m not a perfect girl,,I don’t even look like the ordinary girl,,some off my friend even don’t consider me as a female,,

~~~

If u looking for a girl u can take to have fun than it’s not me

If u looking for a girl who always try to make her self pretty than it’s not me

I’m a girl who look up to a serious releasonship,,if u not ready for it don’t look for me,,,

~~~

I will try to accept u the way u r but it needs time

I’m also agirl who want to be understand

2 side communication

Not hide part of u n make me guesing what is it

~~~

Try to understand what love is, is it love above all?is it the only reason to close your eye n not seeing the real world, is it love become an answer from all the question n hope that can make a happy ending, open your eye,,heart,,n see inside the truth are there's more important thing than love, what u want is not always what u needed the most,,try to open ur eye n see inside

Busy month and full off tryout

After so long haven't got anything to do i got a job a shocking one,,, i joint an exhibition almost every day extend time in the office,,,come early in the morning n got back almost at midnight,,but I can make it,,even i was a little bit sleepy n have an unwell health i crush n hit the side walk n broke my motor cycle engine it's all because i want to get back home as fast as i can well the result is my have to repair my bike n the cost was so expensive for me,, it's about 300.000 rupiah that's not include oil,,,my lovely motor cycle need more attention than what it use Tobe,,


Awal masuk ke kantor itu gw ditawarinya Bantu dayat di oprasional n Bantu lomba anak,,tp job desk berubah persis 2 hr sebelum pameran,,,jd Bantu di buyer meet seller,,,awalnya gw juga ragu apa bisa gw ngerjainnya,,blm lagi tanggapan pesimis dr yg lain but I never know If I never try it,,,akhirnya dengan perasaan ragu, takut, n pasrah gw terima kerjaan itu, sebenernya karena ga bisa nolak juga siy jd diterima juga,,,


Jujur ditengah ketidaktahuan harus apa n gimana ngurus buyer permasalahan muncul satu persatu,,,dr mulai hotel yg blm di booking,,tamu yg ga kejemput di bandara bikin panic secara yg diurus tuh bule yg klo da sedikit aja yg ga beres or ga sesuai sama yg direncanakan bisa2 komplain abis2an,,,coz gw pernah ngerasain diomelin bule,,padahal bukan salah gw juga,,,itu rasanya ga enak bgt,,,


Dari smua permasalahan yg muncul itu malah buat gw bisa berfikir lebih baik, n try to organize it,,,dari mulai tlp hotel book lebih awal buat beberapa tamu yg dateng duluan sampe ngatur penjemputan si bule2 itu,,gw pikir kerjaan gw sampe disitu ternyata masih berlanjut ngurus reimburst tiket mereka,,duh tuh dolar cm numpang lewat aja,,ckckckc kapan ya punya dolar beneran,,hehheh(ngayal dikit). Masalah ternyata blm berakhir sampe disitu,,masih harus ngurusin kepulangan mereka,,,ups,,dammm,,got to coordinate again with the driver to make everything run smooth,,,the last siy kayanya cukup sukses meski banyak kendala,,,thank god again I can fulfill my duty n show them that I can do it jd jangan suka mandang sebelah mata (^^,)


Semakin diberi tanggung jawab semakin diri mikir gimana cara mengatasi permasalahannya,,,jangan takut bertanya,,,tanyalah smua orang yg memang berhubungan ma masalah yg lo alami,,ga perlu takut mengakui klo kita gatau n jangan sok tau,,gw tau gw orangnya gampang panic tp klo gw bisa sedikit nenangin diri I can find out the answer

extreamly happy

what a hell off a month

hari2nya sama aja cm ga biasa,,full with happy tought ^_^

~~~

giling,,,

i don't want to use the word "i don't know why"coz i know the reason i just don't want to share it,, (^^,)hihihi (dateng deh pelitnya) seem's like i already reach tho the stage off happines"wuidih berat niy" my smile n happy face won't get off my face,,feel he could understand me n treated so special,,,my heart sometime beating so fast,,,dag,dig,dug n feel so free,,, free to act n say,,, feel like a woman (mang sebelumnya bukan cewe gitu?)

~~~

promise is a promise no matter how i can't broke my own promise,,maybe there will be a regret or even appear some hope,

~~~

i lock my self,, i don't even know how to open it

(no one ever find the key =p hihi =p)

silly thing's

keanehan alfi mang gada abisnya,,,
gw sendiri aja suka gregetan ma kelakuan gw sendiri
kadang ngerasa malu sendiri,,,mau dihilangin ko susah bgt ya kaya dah melekat bgt,,,

keanehan2 yg belakangan sering bgt terjadi :

• nunggu nada sambung tlp lama bgt sambil liat kompy tp ternyata tlpnya blm di pencet,,,gmn mau nyambung coba
• stater motor di sela ko ga nyala2 ya"mati gw niy motor knp klo mogok gmn gw pulang???"ternyata motornya mang blm gw nyalain,,hihihi
• kunci motor biasanya main senaknya aja di kantongin atau ditaruh sembarangan,,begitu mau dipke ga ketemu,,,bisa nyari sampe keriting trus rebonding lalu keriting lagi setelah itu botak (sampe STT => stress tingkat tinggi) tetep aja ga ketemu gimana mo inget wong lupa ko!!!
• reaksi otak hiperaktif tak terkontrol, baru disebut aja bisa langsung kebayang (kec ngomongin jalan)
• suka kebakaran jenggot klo hp sepi (kaya pernah ngerasain aja) sampe2 MC no sendiri supaya denger ringtonenya (kurang kerjaan bgt!!)
• bertindak baru berfikir alasan dateng belakangan (apa ga tebalik tuh?)

masih banyak lagi cm blm inget aja ma keanehan2 lain

hahahaha aib ko di publish (dasar aneh!)

^_^

LOVE,,LIFE,,part 2

Well I don’t know is it the right time to write this,,, but this question always come to me,,, never could explain it to any one,, once I think I had a perfect image act like I know what I’m doing but obviously I don’t,, I’m blocking my self from something by not letting any one get near to it,, “back off or I’m leaving”

Fear that’s the reason
What do u afraid off?
Guy?
Why?
That’s the common question!

Prepare to answer it fie,,
Huff,,,,
How is it like to have a relationship?
Is it all about romance?
I never had a relationship before so the image that I have is what I see n what I hear,,,
I’ve seen it n I didn’t like what I see,, I don’t want to be like them,, get down in into romance giving it easily,, first holding hand’s then a simple hug,, next a kiss,, after all that happen they break up find a new one n that cycle begin again until they find a perfect one,, is it have to be like that? that’s why I’m afraid to get close to other afraid of falling in love coz when that happen I can get down in into romance,, I made a promise to my self n to god n I intend to keep that promise
Is it wrong?? If not tell me what’s right??
How does u convinced me about the real thing?
How can I be sure that u are the one?
I will not lie to my self or other that I do have passion for it but it had to wait till I’m sure
Every body wants it n I’m sure that every body does need it

I have this huge fear I don’t know if I could handle it,,
Sometime I do get so lonely n want to have someone near me,,

~~~

I have this fantasy,, a dream,, or a wish of a perfect husband
I want him to be my leader,, I want him to be m brother n closest friend what ever happen he will the first one come in my head no matter if we do have problem we still can talk about it together

~~~

Dalam hidup seorang alfi mang penuh sama yg namanya hayalan dan harapan,,
Mungkin alfi mang pemimpi she only think about what she want but not even dare to make it come true,,alfi juga termasuk orang yg egois yg sll ingin dimengerti,,mau terlihat kuat tegar n ceria tp dibalik itu sll ada rasa takut,, mungkin juga terlihat cuek or ga peduli but I always thing about what other said,,cukup cepat emosi tp bisa cepat tenang juga,,hate the feeling off left behind it’s hurt n think why do I feel hurt I’m the one made them leave isn’t it?

~~~

Ou god I just want to run away from everything n start everything again,, I will never ever could run away,, if I leave it doesn’t guarantee I will not face this thing again

I’ve never know where is this life taking me n how it’s gona happen
May be I will took the wrong step or wrong way but from that mistake I will learn something,,

~~~

Klo mau tau atau mencoba mengerti ya tanya aja lah jgn suka nebak karena cara pikir orang blm tentu sama, beda intonasi aja beda makna,,,

~~~

Huh napa jd serius gini ya,,cukup2,, (^_^)

Be the river not the watter
Buatlah jalannya dan biarkan air mengalir

Tour guide

Well kuliah di pariwisata dah pasti identik dengan jalan2 kan? Itu bener bgt meski jurusan alfi bukan travel melainkan MICE yg mainnya di pameran terutama di JCC. Ternyata eh ternyara ada senior alfi dr PASEO tour n travel (tp skarang dah ganti nama) yg nawarin tuk belajar jadi tour guide skalian Bantu usaha mereka, klo kata istilahnya sambil menyelam minum air lah,,, nah klo siy alfi kebanyakan minum jd kembung,, hehehe,,, gimana ga kembung jalan2 nya gratis,,, makan n nginepnya juga gratis, blm lagi fasilitasnya kaya baju seragam yg jd milik sendiri n kadang dapet souvenir juga ditambah da gajinya pula,,lengkap kan tuh

Seleksi awal tuk jd junior sedikit tertutup n mang sengaja dipilih mereka,,
Hmm jd mikir apa ya yg buat mereka dulu milih alfi?
Ga pernah ditanyain jd sampe skarang gatau deh,,hehehe ;-D

Setelah hasil seleksi n pelatihan tibalah saat praktek,,alias beneran ikut tour,,, waktu itu bawa anak donbosko yogya city tour,,,hehe awal masih jd asisten k bunga,,n pendengar sejati serta nemenin tour leadernya jadi buntut lah, tapi eng,,ing,,eng,,,sebelum keberangkatan dah kaya mau ujian,,, god alfi ga pernah kemana2 ke tmpt wisata aja jarang apalagi museum,,, jadi brousing lah diinternet ttg smua objek yg akan dikunjungi,,, berhubung blm da tmpt yg pernah dikunjungi jd wajib ngapal text book deh,, percaya aja apa kata internet n senior,,, namanya juga baru pertama stresnya ampun-ampunan,,, sampe ga bisa tidur n tau ga alfi pikir pertama tuh sama skali ga ngomong di depan peserta tour tp ternyata tiba2 dalam perjalanan ke prambanan “fie lo yg jelasin ttg prambanan” mati gw,,,,ga siap,,tp kapan siapnya???dengan keberanian yg sebenernya ga cukup diikuti detak jantung yg makin lama makin cepat detaknya ditambah kluar keringet dingin plus gemeteran alfi coba jelasin ttg prambanan,, damm, lupa smua,,, jd setiap ngomong nyontek catetan yg mang dah disiapin,,, tetep aja ngomongnya terbata2 jelas bgt deh nervousnya,,, n thank god langsung dibantu jlasin m k bunga,,, itu awal yg mang harus dilalui,,,, setelah itu klo ga salah siy dah mulai bawa sendiri,, alias dah langsung jd tour guidenya,,, makin lama ya makin ga masalah siy ma groginya tp tetep aja setiap pergi kaya mau ujian,,, internet lagi ngapalin lagi,,, (btw ko gw dah lupa ma yg dah gw apalin ya,,dah gada ingatan soal objek wisata ney)

Itu titik awal alfi punya kepercayaan diri tuk ngomong depan orang,, jujur aja sebelum itu alfi tuh termasuk orang yg kurang punya rasa kepercayaan diri,,, it helps me a lot,,,

Jadi tour guide seharusnya bisa jelasin smua, berhubung hapalan ku amat sangat limited jadilah improvisasi,,, banyak belajar ngeles,, klo gatau jawabanya kan ga boleh terus jujur klo gatau coz da etikanya,,, masa tour guide gatau siy,, ,tp itulah alfi,,, hehehe nak skul masih bisa dikadalin,,, tp klo guru mati kutu gw,,, hah,, salah satu cara ngindarin pertanyaan ttg objek wisata bisanya alfi malah ngajak ngobrol ttg hal lain, apalah yg bisa diomongin tergantung mereka maunya ngomongin apa,,, lebih ke personal interaction itu yg nyelametin alfi dari keterbatasan hapalan hix =(

Alfi jd mikir ko gw bisa ya dulu jd tour guide,,, pengetahuan terbatas,, dah gitu juga gatau jalan pula, belum lagi masalah mabuk darat,, ga banyak yg tau siy klo siy alfi ini punya masalah ma kendaraan darat,, penyakitnya cm 2 yaitu klo ga ngantuk trus jd molor selama perjalanan ya mabok darat,,berhubung dah paham sama kondisi sendiri jd harus bisa ngatasinya dong,, ya solusinya yaitu aktif di bis,,, ga boleh banyak duduk alias berdiri terus selama perjalanan skalian ngecek keadaan peserta n melakukan personal approach,, bis klo dah duduk bawaanya mual ma ngantuk,, kan ga bae bgt tuh,,,

Dalam tour komunikasi antar leader tuh penting bgt secara klo gatau jalan n ketinggalan bisa langsung confim, perubahan waktu atau perubahan objek biasa terjadi klo emergency n klo gatau bisa kacau,,, alfi juga ga sekali kesasar waktu bawa tour,, tp untung da ht bisa cepat diatasi n ketemu lagi tim yg lain,, nah pernah gada ht, pulsa juga limited jadilah nyasar, itu waktu bawa guru pula kan ga mungkin tuh malah ngadalin guru tar malah nambah masalah,, gila gimana ga panic ternyata sopir bis gw gatau jalan n tuh sopir mikirnya gw yg tau jalan padahal gw sama butanya ma dia, begitu ketinggalan yg lain tau2 gw tuh nyasar,,, begitu tau nyasar,, langsung deh gw tlp tim yg lain n akhirnya alfi kasih penawaran mau balik arah ke objek yg kelewat atau mau ke penginapan n ternyata mereka milih ke penginapan,,, oh ya bos alfi gatau penginapanya dimana,, yg alfi tau tuh daerah dilembang n namanya yehezkiel nah arahnya kemana alfi gatau,,,, dengan modal keterangan by phone n kenekatan tingkat tinggi akhirnya sampe juga di hotel,,, ”fie lo ke hotel itu bukan cm skali lo dah brapakali bawa tour n nginep disana,,napa ga inget2 ma jalannya” (nah tolong di catat alfi tuh juga susah nginget jalan jd jangan nanya jalan ma alfi yg ada tar malah jd ikut nyasar =p)


Huff,, itu sebagian memory waktu jd tour guide, klo dinget2 dah banyak juga pengalaman bawa tour n setiap tour da cerita tersendiri, kesulitan yg dihadapi sll berbeda, n orangnya yg dihadapi juga beda2,,
Jd tour guide itu di hormati karena pengetahuan, pelayanan, dan kesigapan dalam menangani peserta tournya, alfi sempet ngerasin itu

meski cerita alfi ga menunjukkan klo alfi seorang tour guide sejati tp itulah pengalaman alfi,,,n that experience help me grow n develop to what what I am today
Dari pengalaman itu alfi tau setiap orang punya keterbatasan tp mampukah kita melakukan hal yg tampaknya ga mungkin dengan keterbatasan yg ada n alfi buktika itu mungkin asalkan ada kesempatnya n mau mengambil kesempatan itu,,, kita ga akan tau apa yg akan kita hadapi tanpa melaluinya.

thx to PASEO for all the opportunity
mas danang, k fanny, k via, leo n all that I can’t mention one by one
thank you very much
(^_^)